I feel so fortunate that I have really enjoyed being pregnant. I'm still feeling well. For the most part, I feel the same as always, until I look down & there it is!! I've been noticing that I am getting more & more tired by Friday, but I suppose that is to be expected. I'm praying the next few weeks are great.
We have had lots & lots of movement the last 3 weeks. I love feeling & seeing the baby move and I know I will miss it. (I will not miss the sensation of having to constantly use the rest room, or the days where my stomach just feels so tight). I really enjoy the anticipation and the mystery of who this person is and what features he/she will have.
The feelings throughout the pregnancy are definitely a progression and it hasn't been as weird or scary as I had always pictured. I was nervous about how it is something you really don't have control of once it starts. It was an interesting process to learn about all the baby "stuff." It's like learning a new language. The first time I went to a baby store, I was so overwhelmed I just felt like I had a disconnect to the items on the shelves (similar to the scene in What to Expect When You're Expecting), and I just had to walk out! It's still a bit overwhelming with all the choices, but I've learned which things are just gadgets, etc.
I always knew I wanted to have a family, but I'd been hesitant knowing how different life will be and how some spontaneity is lost. I was also hesitant because once those children start growing, they don't stop! I'd been fearful of having older children (even just 4/5 years old,) but it is fun having the wonder of our future life. I recently read a blog post from Enjoying the Small Things which talks about how sometimes you just want things to stay the same, but one must believe that great things are yet to come.
I also was not looking forward to the extra attention you get, although the attention I have gotten is so positive; everyone is so excited. Thanks to all of you for joining us in this life-changing journey!!
I'm totally with you on the disconnection feeling. Mine continued even to just past birth. It was so surreal... I delivered a human being. !? It was like my brain simply couldn't believe it. I looked over at Austin on the warmer, being tended to by all the doctors and literally said "Did that just come out of me?" I mean, it wasn't that I didn't feel him come out, hadn't felt him kicking for months, etc. It just is so weird to have him living and breathing on his own, apart from me. I have talked with other first-time moms who report the same "did that come out of me" feeling. It also wasn't all love and a sense of immediate connection. For me it was like getting to know a brand new person. Austin-outside-my-body seemed like a different person to love than when he was inside. And so though I loved him from the beginning, that only intensified and grew with time. (Still growing, actually.) All that to say... don't feel guilty, like a bad person, or like you're letting someone down if the very first reaction you have post-birth is a bit surreal and not like in the movies all super duper can't love the baby enough. That'll come, but it might not be right away.
ReplyDeleteAnd in the immediate weeks following his birth, I had these strange feelings about how he was surviving without me, when it was me keeping him alive for the prior 9 months. It made me more and more amazed at our Creator! Life is such an awesome thing!
ps. Again, have that bag packed! :-)
This was a sweet introspective post, Heather. I am so glad you enjoyed pregnancy, I always did too. :) It has been fun seeing "first time pregnancy" through your eyes. I kinda forgot how that felt to not understand "baby stuff"! I really agree with the difference between imagining what it is going to be like vs. experiencing it first hand. No one knows everything from the start, you just learn and experience it as you go. Truly enjoy the everyday moments, they really do go by so fast. You and Eric with be wonderful parents, and Pat and I are SO excited for you!! Keep us posted.
ReplyDelete